a photographer without a camera

or more of a a camera-man not into photography..i believe not..

i just feel everytime i see a good shot or a good angle at people or place..i wish i had a camera with me..i mean a good camera..not the one in my phone or the point-and-shoots..maybe i'm just being the hopeless romantic for photography..hopeful more..

when my dad was still alive..we used to go to the town plaza every christmas to get our pictures taken..a family photo session which has been a tradition for us..it's just morbid that we have to break the tradition..but the thing is..it's good to see once in a while how we evolved over those years..from a toddler to grown ups..hairstyles and fashion evolution of the family..gives me something to laugh on..and something to hold dear..and something to watch over and over again..and laugh again..

capturing that moment is a treasure..even in just a split of a second..things are not what it is anymore..you can't turn back time..but a picture make that possible..i can't trust my memory anymore to remember vividly all the things that i cherish the most..but a photo album could save me from that dilemma..

photography is so phenomenal..it encompasses different levels of interest, ingenuity and vitality of human nature..

here i am again..dreaming of making someone smile..wonder..be inspired..remember..posed..candid..thru a lens..zoom..light..exposure..aperture set..click..flash..

blissful patches

waking up with a smile..
a great day ahead..
sunshine..cool breeze..
hold my hand..warmth..
breathing deeply..
sweet smell..
cuddle..tickle..
laugh..
touch..
say those words..
smile..
music..dance with me..
stare..eyes closed..
sweet lips..
breathe..
smile..
clinch..
say those words again..
heartbeat..

i thought i already did lost you..

it's been a week now since i last saw my blogpage..someone must have been hacking my site or tried to alter my mail account so blogspot decided to block the page..

i really felt sad..and that's an understatement..the feeling is worse..losing something you cared about for years..losing the records of the things you ponder about over the years is like losing a part of your soul..these pages reflect my passion..my dreams..my feelings..my sentiments..my perspectives..my smiles..my frustrations..my expectations..my memories..my interests..and even realized that these pages mean something to me..

I thought..i really thought I lost you..lost you forever..

But a wonderful thing..you’re back to me..relief..sigh..deep breathe..smile..thank you..smile..

condemnation

i just can’t help but wonder how and why these happened..

we are requested to stay for overtime services because of erc’s demand..yet i happened to go out from the office last night for an early dinner..the eatery just in front of the office..i ordered a pork viand-rice meal..sit and wait for my hot soup..the tv was on..on and loud..really loud..there seem to have a commotion..national interest level..i didn’t know the whole world was watching..

a true-to-life hostage drama coverage was live on tv..road near the quirino grandstand..a tourist bus was hijacked by a disgruntled ex-policeman which lasted for more or less 12 hours..

how terrifying at first gaze..morbidity then took my mood..i just can’t help but wonder how and why these happened..who’s to blame??what factors aggravated this crisis??mental lapse??social injustice??politically motivated??personal intention??criminal indulgence??revenge??frustration??

such violent outburst needs a deep and grave reason to surface..i believe the ex-policeman is a good person..what in the world is he thinking..maybe someone has advised him to..but in the first place, it’s all his decision..maybe he did not knew that his actions would lead to such a huge crisis..testing the waters but he mistakenly dive into the ocean of confusion..overwhelmed..can’t get out of the situation anymore..yet he still have the choice to get off the bus and surrender himself so that no civilians would have suffered..i believe he’s also scared..fully ignominious in his part and prepared that his end is inevitably near..an escape to the cruel world it turned out..

this could have been just another tabloid filler..but the media has made it a big story..would you agree that if this one is not televised and sensationalized by the media, this would not turn out the way it turned out last night..maybe none should have died..i understand that the media has a role to inform the public of what was going on but in this case, they should have had take some limitation on the coverage..the coverage has been a medium for the troubled one to counter the moves of the police enforcers..and when the media telecasted the abduction of the ex-policeman’s brother, this might have provoked the anger and violent side of him..

should I blame the police??maybe..their performance seems to be unsatisfactory..they have not handled the situation well..their strategy seems to be poor..unacceptable..should I consider it shameful..negotiation failed..tactics failed..rescue failed..unacceptable failure which cost lives..no offense meant but many have perceived it that way..

i may have failed to see the climax of the drama live on tv because my boss already called me to report to the office..the sudden rain also added up to the tension and emotion of the moment..but I knew this is a bad time for the philippines..quite a shame for us filipinos..an isolated case as what they say..nay..

i just wish the international community would not treat this a collective notion for all filipinos..gruesome effect to our national economy is expected..to our image..everyone should condemn the tumult but I hope everyone already made this a lesson learned..hope it would not happen again..

not getting younger

another year has passed..

i realized..i'm not getting any younger..

so..i made a self assessment..have i lived the life that i have dreamed..or am i still young to push myself to reach it..but when would be my deadline..i'm not getting any younger..

so..i looked at my self in the mirror..and pull some old photos..crap..crap..crap..handsome is an understatement..harhar..yeah..the stubborn pimples are still there..yet..i'm not getting any younger..

i looked at my wallet..cash..cards..receipts..photos again..girlfriend..good thing..i've got a great life..but..i'm not getting any younger..

looked at my wristwatch..tick tack..tick tack..time is running..i still feel i'm just walking..i know..i'm not getting any younger..

i better not waste my time..i'm not getting any younger..but who's not getting older..

insensitive

(mag-ingay ka na sa lasing..wag lang sa masama ang gising)

is it me..or temper is just dominant with my stars today..and yesterday..and the other day..i just need a good old morning last minute sleep..and that is it..but a nightmare..my ear just can’t prevent hearing the slamming of the door..the loud music..the singing..tak tak tak..akon singing an annoying song..

i have no problem with music..i have no problem with songs..i have no problem with such..i sure enjoy such..but not this time..i need to sleep..come on..can you just put on your earphone..and try to move with less noise..i just want to sleep even for 30 minutes more..

maybe it’s just me..is it..or I am overreacting..am i..or I’m the one insensitive..

good thing..breakfast is served..hush..

dilemma of not being the boss

yes boss..
okay boss..
ready boss..
got it boss..
right away boss..
no problem boss..
you're right boss..
i'll be there boss..

it's already 5pm boss..
gtg..

best things in life

staring at the horizon..priceless..

a bright sunny day..priceless..

feet buried in the sand..priceless..

wavy cool waters..priceless..

refreshing coastal wind..priceless..

paradise..serenity..priceless..

with someone you love..priceless..

best things in life..priceless..

samu't saring pagmumuni

ganoon talaga kaibigan

mayroong mga sandali..
hindi mo malaman..
gusto mo na lang muna tumigil ang mundo..
ayaw mo muna umusod ang buhay..
pakiramdam mo e kailangan mo muna ng pahinga..
naririndi sa ingay ng mundo..
puno na ang salop
pero patuloy pa rin
ang pagbagsak ng mga butil ng kalungkutan..
pinipilit mong tumakbo palayo..
pero imposible..
dadaan pa rin ang oras..
wala kang ligtas..
wala kang kawala..
hindi mo namamalayan..
dinala ka na din ng agos..
minsan talaga malupit ang tadhana..
may araw na talagang hindi sa iyo..


si juan ka ga?

madalas e nasasayang lang
sa mga walang kabambanang bagay..
palaging ganoon ang tao
kung palaging pagpapadali ang nasa isip niya..
uupo dito..hihilata doon..
ayaw mag-aral..
ayaw magbanat ng buto..
asa na..
imbis na lumakad upang malayo ang marating..
maghapong nakatengga..
nakatanga..


tantanan nyu na

ano ga talaga?
parepareho..
walang pagkakaiba..
ipipilit lalong nagngingitngit..
sobrang kulit..
hayaan nyo na muna..
hihinga lang ng konti..
kailangan lang ng puwang..
sandali..


bangon na

wala ng patumpik-tumpik pa..
isipin ang araw
ay magiging masaya..
imulat na ang mata..
magpasalamat ka..
tumulong..sumulong..
maging biyaya sa iba..
tanggapin ang tadhana..
kaya naman..
kilos na..ngayon na..
para bukas ay mashanda ka..

unexplained mood swings

sometimes there are moments
you suddenly get lost
from your normal self..
and feel uneasy, awkward,
depressed, down or troubled..
but you don't know why..
you just don't have a clue..
you just not feel right..
something is wrong
yet everything seems fine..
is it just a bad day..
is karma sweeping your way..
it just bother your senses..
cheer up! cheer up!
relax..
breathe..
calm down..
happy thoughts..
better..
yes, better..
smile..
relief..